Did you ever feel like you are so trying to be okay ? infront of your friends and others so they can see you happy without any doubt or hesitation .i was in that condition .i mean always .tears is my bestfriend nowadays .idek what is happening to me and what makes me being so soft-hearted ..i cant stand alone .i cant be in those tense situation .i will cry .yes i will cry .i cant handle that .not at all .i dont know why i am being like this .it didnt suited my age at all and my role as a sister as well .i dont need someone to listen to me but someone to be with me ,to understand me and to cheer me up .honestly , ive got a lot of friends at here .for me to laugh,make jokes and talking with .but i have no bestfriend .it feels like everyone is trying to tease me .trying to make me cries .theres no one that can understand me .nobody .sometimes i even wondered .what if i dead .or not dead but lying unconsciously somewhere .will everyone sad ? will there be anyone come and sit on the bed looking at me and regret what they have done to me and crying and telling me how much they love me and want me to open my eyes ? will there be anyone will stay with me and waiting for me to wake up ? will there be anyone ? sometimes i feels like i wanna ignore everything .leave everything that i know it will hurt me .but i cant .i just cant .you know that feeling when you believed that will be someday that you has been wait for too long to happen .that is why i keep myself strong .strong enough to go through this pathetic life .because i know everyone deserve their own happiness .i just hoping that everyone will treat me the way i did .understand me the way they look at me .i dont seek for a sympathy .i need someone .i really do .